After a year, nothing has changed much

Today, the same time around last year, I was a sad person. Today this time around, it is still a sad day. After a year, nothing seems to have changed much. The old memories repeat itself fresh bringing back sad thoughts. The ghost of the heartbreak will never leave me in peace.

As the floodgates of memerobalia open, the hurt feelings resurrect to life. I find myself in a piteous situation. It is a sad day. So it seems this day will forever remain so throughout my life. Some wounds just wont heal.

It is a poignant moment filled with nostalgia for me. I fought hard all this time. I thought I had moved on, a year ahead. But it was a gross misconception. I had lived all this time pretending to be living a normal life, like any other. I was wrong. I was running on the treadmill, getting exhausted but reaching no where.

I had wasted the last one year. How I had promised that I would change for the good. All false promises-vain, empty and broken. I had preserved all those letters, all those pictures, we had exchanged in good times. Deep inside my heart I had never been able to forget her which I should have done this day last year.

I would think about her in a fit of anger. And thinking I would get more angry and hurt. Sometimes, I would recollect for the sheer pelasure of the good moments. When I was lonely, I would often think of her and miss her. sometimes I would dream about her, of happier times. I would cry and pity myself.

Through and through, I had never gotten over her. She had always been inside my mind, turning my head away when I would look at another girl. She was always there inside me when I would toy with the idea of falling in love. Nothing had changed. She was around me all this time. her ghost never left me. It was the precision of my vieled pretence that never showed off what hid behind.

It takes time to come to terms with reality. Some take longer. Some do not. I have travelled a year now and I am the same person-sick, depressed, unwilling to change, still suffering in silence. But for how long? I asked this question almost for a hundrendth time today.

And here I am, telling my sob story again. I wont get any buyers I know. But it helps me a lot. But today I feel good about something. I have done something today for celebrating a year of my break-up. No I did not write any poetry. Nor did I write songs. I did not even take a swig of whiskey. I am sober and I did something sensible, by all standards.

I took out the bulk of the love letters, notes, chits, and photographs that I had preserved with love. I burnt it all. Today, I said goodbye to the lady who I had loved so dearly. She had been such a wonderful inspiration. I know perhaps, this day, the same time around next year, I may write something new. A different story. A happier one, of course!